listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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