oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
being pregnant is like rehab
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
