STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
