Even the bartender felt bad for me
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
