think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
