Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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