Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
