i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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