its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
