So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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