wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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