Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
