I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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