I wish I could teleport
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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