You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
