she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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