Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
