You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
