i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
