i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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