How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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