Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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