You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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