So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I wish I only lived at night.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
