You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
