I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
