Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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