Sorry, I don't speak sober.
now i know why i became what i already was.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
