Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize