I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
