how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize