Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I intend to get homeless drunk
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
