Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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