I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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