I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
