Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
