i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
