I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
