Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
