Plan B is the new Plan A
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i drank out of a bidet.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
