so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
