Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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