Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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