I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Well I just put wine in my tea
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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