that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
