My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
