I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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