just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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