no, he came in my armpit
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
