I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
