Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
