and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i would punch a child for taco bell
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
