I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
