I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
