I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
