Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
