RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
