Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I fill condoms, not promises.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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