who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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