So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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