i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
