I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
