We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
