So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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