Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
