and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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