I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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