a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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