saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
