I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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