You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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