Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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