I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
