and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
