She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
