Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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