my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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