Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
