One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
