It's Friday. Sex?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
