You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
