I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
