You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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