You don't have asthma, your pregnant
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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