Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize