your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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