My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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