We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
