i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
COCAINE IS GR8
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
