my vag is so smooth its legendary
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
