I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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