True but thats because hes a fetus.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
