I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
