I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
is wine microwaveable?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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