It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
