dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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