i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
