Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize