This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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