I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
