you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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