Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
