I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
