Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
