i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
